don't use big words near Emmett
by April-Cullen
Summary: One-shot. How the Cullen siblings and Bella! annoy Emmett.
1. Chapter 1

It was a regular Saturday afternoon and the Cullens (and Bella) were having a normal conversation (or as normal as you can get when most of them are vampires).

"So what do you guys want to do tomorrow?" Alice asked.

"Not much. I guess I'm just going to hang out with Edward." Bella reponds, smiling at Edward. She knew if she didn't have plans she would get dragged to go on a shopping spree. Edward didn't know what Bella was planning, but he just played along.

"Oh. Thats too bad. I was going to see if you wanted to go shopping with me and Rose." Bella silently cheered in her head about how she got out of shopping with Alice.

_Edward! Lets have some fun with Emmett.... _Alice discreetly communicated to Edward about her plan. He really enjoyed this idea.

"So Chaps. Do you destitute to go to shopping mall accompanied by me?" Alice asked the boys. Jasper quickly picked up, along with some help with their mischeivous moods. Emmett on the other hand....not so much.

"Oh yes darling! I would enjoy that so. Maybe near 12 noon on the dot tomorrow. Does that interest you?" Jasper played along in a fake British accent.

"Thank you! I am obliged to you and I show immense gratitude." Bella sat next to Edward watching Alice and Jasper talk like a wealthy British couple. She covered her mouth, which carried her amused grin, with her hand.

Emmett sat on the couch with a confused expression. He was wondering what they were talking about. Rosalie seeing his distraught, patted his back but still found this situation hilarious.

"The weather is horribly depressing on this day. Yesterday was only on the border of melancholy. Don't you agree, Bella?" Edward said.

"Yes Edwardo. The weather is simply distraught. I do wish it would be a tad bit brighter, though Mother Nature doesn't fulfill that." Bella looked at Edward while pretending to have a teacup in her hand. She even put her pinkie up.

"CAN SOMEBODY TELL MY WHY YOU GUYS ARE TALKING LIKE THAT!!!" Emmett exclaimed. He was very confused, he was thinking if he should tell Carisle he should them to a mental instituition.

They all burst out laughing. Alice was immensly happy about confusing Emmett. Rose kept patting his back because Emmett still looked mad and confused.

"Don't do that again. You gave my brain a cramp." Emmett complained.

Bella calmed down enough to say, "He's right you guys. His 5 year old brain can only take so many big words. Let's cut him some slack." With that the Cullen's (and Bella) continues on the day whil Emmett pouted not liking their joke. He zoned them all out and focused on revenge....


	2. Revenge of Emmett

The revenge of Emmett....

sequel to Don't use big words near Emmett

**EmPOV**

Today is my day, I will get revenge on them. Yes, I mean ALL of them-well except Carisle and Esme because they did nothing. And if I did I would get in trouble most likely. So I have the whole house to myself, Edward is at Bella's house, ALice and Rosalie went shopping, Esme went to Home Depot to repaint the outside of the house and Carisle is at work.

First, I'll work on Edward because his reaction is usually funniest. And he might not kill me cause Bella'd be with him. Stepping into the garage with my paint and trusty paintbrush. After I drew on the hood of his Volvo I went up to Alice's room. In her closet I spotted her new one of a kind Steve Madden shoes-fresh off the drawing board. Taking the whipped cream I filled them to the brim. Though, he's the smart thing I did. I kept thinking how I what show I'd watch on T.V. next or when I'd get up next. I know, I'm extremely smart. No need to say it.

So, after Edward and Alice I headed to Japer's room. I replaced all his Confederate flags with China flags. Yes, China flags cuz China rocks admit it. I also took all his history books and replaced them with a collection of comics and Playboy magazines. Satisified with the damage of Jasper's stuff I moved on to Rose.

I went to our room and wandered into her closet. Their was a beautiful pine green dress with sparkly things down the side and a big flower on top of the boob. It was hanging on a mannequin and it must've been the new Versace fall line dress. Looked hott too! Too bad I was going to cut it up. I would've really liked seeing Rosie in it. Damn... Forgetting my thoughts I took the scissors to the top and cut out the words 'Emmett'. I walked out humming to theme songs.

Next victim: Isabella Swan. I was standing in Edward's bathroom at the moment. Later today Alice was aimlessly chatting with me. All I heard was Bella was staying over tonight. So taking the toothbrush Bella uses when she stays over, I rubbed japlenos peppers and hot sauce on it. I stuck it back and went to watch T.V.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~20 minutes later~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In walked Rosalie and Alice with their purchases. Jasper right behind Alice. With Edward and Bella making out behind them all. I don't get why they don't just have sex! I mean they make out ALOT! Trust me on that one. They all looked at me just lounging on the couch with a smug smile. Edward growled at me due to me singing Our Song by Taylor Swift in my head. He hates that song. And anything country. Alice and Rosalie went upstairs, they were gonna get it now! Jasper just followed because he probably had nothing better to do.

"Bella,love, why don't you get ready for bed. I'll meet you upstairs later." Edward suggested.

"Where are you going?"

"Uhh....just checking on the Volvo."

"Whatever, sure." Edward leaned in and kissed her chastely on the lips. Edward went to the garage whilst Bella went to get ready to hit the stack. And me, well, I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the show. After a few moments I heard all five of them scream simutanesley. Alice with her high soprano scream, Rosalie threatened to cut off my manhood with a spoon-gotta love her- while Edward growled. Jasper kept repeating, "Oh my Gawd!" and Bella ran down the stairs-and of coursing tripping some- screaming, "It's hot. Damn it! Get me water! Emmett, you arse!" Gotta love my family...

So after all the screams stopped, they all came to me with murder in their eyes.

"Revenge is a bitch." was my reply.

"Emmett that paint takes forever to get off." Edward growled.

"I know, that was the point." I smiled, then muttered under my breath,"And they call _me _dumb." Which earned me a glare.

"I am going to kill you!!! That was the NEW DRESS FROM THE VERSACE FALL LINE!!! You IDIOT!!!" Rosalie walked back upstairs. I'm guessing this is no sex for a few months....or years.

Alice was posed with a hand on her hip and a glare on her face. "You tard! (A/N: If you guys have seen the movie Stick it! it might mean leotard. but me...i use it mean retard.) those shoes were hard to get! I had to call about THIRTY damn people to get them. You suck Emmett, and don't expect this to end. I'll be back like always." She walked back up to her room. I was actually scared from the little pixie who was _soo _much smaller than me.

Jasper just shook his head and walked back up, but not before saying. "We'll be back with revenge. Don't you worry."

"Whew! I thought Rose and Alice were going to kill me on the spot." Only Edward were sitting down in the room. Edward was still glaring at me and Bella was sipping her water.

"Hey Edward. Do you guys have any Coke?" Bella asked sweetly looking up her boyfriend.

"Love, that'll keep you awake."

"Oh, please. My mouth still burns and sugar helps." She pouted. He sighed and got up.

_Edward,man, you are so whipped. _I thought to him in my mind. When he walked by he smacked my head. Hard.

Then I heard Rasalie yell, "Oh and Emmett. No sex for three months." Damn it... I'll get over it, it was totally worth it.


End file.
